Friday, July 24, 2009
How to Destroy a Table
Step 1: Get an iron hammer.
Step 2: Get a metal chair.
Step 3: Get a heavy barbell.
Step 4: Get a table.
Step 5: Whack the table with the hammer. This will make a bump and a scratch.
Step 6: If that doesn’t work, try using the chair.
Step 7: If that doesn’t work, use the heavy barbell.
Step 8: Bring the table out onto sidewalk.
Step 9: Go upstairs to the top floor of your building and lean out the window and drop the barbell down onto the table.
Step 10: It will make a lot of damage.
Step 11: Check to see if the table is broken.
Step 12: If it’s still not broken, then go onto an airplane and crash into the table. This will mean suicide, but the table will be broken for sure.
If worms were germs,
then bugs would be slugs
If snails were nails,
then whales would be pails
If paper were glaciers,
then ice would be lice
If floods were guts,
then eyes would be fried,
and they would be crunchy
and it would be
My American name is Nathan. It means “gift from the gods.” My father and my mother chose this name because they like the “th” sound. I like my name because I like to imagine I’m a gift from the gods and if someone unwrapped me I would be a toy gun. My Chinese name is Cheng Huan. It means “responsibility and see into the future.” It also means “happy, superior, successful and Chinese tradition.” My mother chose this name because she liked these ideas. I like this name because it reminds me of funerals. People who can see into the future know when everyone’s going to die.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
If Dogs Were People
If dogs were people
then aliens would have voices
If books were giants
then onions would be flies
If bugs were buildings
then bears would be chairs
If buttons were medals
then windows would be tires
If erasers were skeletons
then paper would be shirts
So I would draw a self-portrait
and wear it
on a roller-coaster that goes
kind of slow
and kind of fast
My name is Alina. It means “royal.” My mother named me Alina because she thinks the name is easy to call. I think my name fits me because it is easy to write and I think the sound of my name fits me because it reminds me of crickets and crickets remind me of me because they’re quiet. But my name also doesn’t fit me because I’m not into kings, queens or princesses.
My Chinese name is Wen Yu. It means “gets mad easily.” My parents chose it because they like it. When I asked them why they liked it, they just said they liked it. I think it fits me because it’s easy to say and I like easy words. But I also think it doesn’t fit me because I am usually calm. I get mad sometimes, but when I get angry I just go away from the person. I don’t brake things, throw things or yell at that person.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
If Hair Were Snakes
If hair were snakes
then teeth would be scissors
If ears were flies
then mirrors would be maps
If wood were stone
then glue would be concrete
And I would use it
to paste together
My American Name
My name is Tommy and my mom named me. Tommy means twin. My mom didn’t know my name had that meaning but I when I told her she said she wants me to have twins when I grow up.
My Chinese Name
My Chinese name is Ying Jie Min. It means “famous and smart.” My mom thought that I wouldn’t be smart when I grow up unless she gave me this name. I like my Chinese name because it makes it sound like I am a famous man inventing things.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
If Play-doh Were Metal
If Play-doh were metal
then clay would be coal
If ants were sugar bowls
then monkeys would be milk crates
If needles were blood
then nails would be sea water
If bait were fish
then dollars would be humans
If Hawaii were angry
then California would be calm
If Mexico were the flu
then Norway would be frostbite
If scissors were crayons
then knives would be pastels
And I would pick them up carefully
and draw something
My American Name
On January 17, 1998 my mom gave birth to me. After a couple of hours a nurse came into my mom’s room asked her what was she going to name me. She didn’t know, so the nurse suggested a few names, including Tiana. My mom thought Tiana sounded great because it sounded easy to say. To me, a nurse naming me is intresting because I always thought parents had to pick the names for their children, not anyone else. I also like my name because it means “fairy queen.” If I were a fairy queen I would use my magic to fix the world and heal the dead. When I grow up I want to be a pharmacist and help people in need.
My Chinese Name
My Chinese name is Hong May Ting. It means beautiful. I hate my Chinese name because to me it’s not interesting or cool. Almost all parents want their daughters' names to mean beautiful. I think other things are more important than beauty, like survival.
Monday, July 13, 2009
If the sky were the ocean
then mice would fly
If cavemen were dizzy
then dogs would be cats
If bees were needles
then cockroaches would be pencils
If flowers were cows
then grass would be roosters
If shirts were plastic
then shoes would be metal
And I would lay in a meadow
and look up
until I get all wet
My name is Catherine Alexandra. My mom chose my first name and my dad chose my middle name. My mom named me Catherine because she saw the name in a book of baby names, and she liked it. My dad named me Alexandra because his middle name is Alexander. People think my name is spelled with a K so I always have to tell them it’s with a C. Some of my relatives call me Cathy and sometimes they call me Catherine with the Spanish pronunciation. My name means “pure.” When I think of the word “pure,” I think of emptiness, but I don’t feel empty. I feel full of kindness and creativity because I like to help and I like to do art.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Fight, Fight, Fight!
“Come on,” said Boxhead. “Show me what you got, wimpy.”
“I’m ready for my rematch,” said Gamer.
Boxhead ran to knock down a row of kids in black t-shirts then he saw a banana peel. He tried to stop but his legs just kept on going and he slipped on the peel, his feet twisted and he bumped his head on the ground. He got sent to the nurse then he headed to the principal’s office, tattling on the banana peel. He saw one more kid in a black t-shirt through a window in the hallway. Before another one of the bullies could punch the last survivor, the bell rang. Ding-ding, ding-ding.
“Aww,” said a boy who was in no one’s group. The kids called him.... well they just called him, The Man. He always exercised and beat up people all day, just like the bullies do, but sometimes he took a break by playing video games. Sometimes The Man would act normal then change his attitude. He might be acting crazy like a monkey, just like the kids in the black t-shirts did. Other times he would enter eating contests. Once he ate 900 corn dogs. He didn’t vomit. He only burped. So it was hard for him to choose which group he’d be in. He just had a table all by himself because the girls needed to be with other girls and the boys had to sit with other boys and everyone sat with their own clique. The Man didn’t have any buddy. But one day his life would change forever.
“So, The Man,” said Boxhead, “Who do you choose to be with?”
I Don’t Know
Hmmmmmmmmmm, The Man thought, “I don’t know.”
“What!” said both the bullies and the black t-shirt kids. “You don’t know which one to join?!”
“Wait,” said The Man. “I think that there will be a winner in this war.”
“Dun-Dun-Dommmmm,” said a guy.
“Who agrees to fight in a war, right here, right now?” said The Man.
“We call team bullies,” said the bullies with some tough players.
“We call team Black t-shirts,” said the kids in the black t-shirts. They always threw gum and paper towels all over the bathroom.
“Great,” said The Man. “We all have teams.”
“But The Man didn’t pick a team yet,” said a kid. Now there was a bunch of commotion.
“Ha, that’s because I’m not a team player, you … well never mind, anyway, I’m the umpire of this war,” said The Man. “Anyway, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah and so on, this war is a water war, so let’s just begin!”
Let the War Begin!
Both teams set up their bases and then The Man told everyone about the rules.
“Rule one,” he said. “We have a line here and if anyone crosses it, they’re out. Rule two: If you have any cheats in your backpack right now to trick people, throw them away now! Rule three: If anyone splashes water on me, they’re ou—“
“Will you get on with it!” yelled all the bullies.
“Yeah,” said the black t-shirt kids. “We have been standing here empty-handed for hours!”
“Ok, ok, enough!” said The Man. “Ok, when I say ‘go,’ you can begin. Go!”
Well, about half of the boys didn’t listen really carefully about the rules. They cheated by throwing balloons that made people turn into blocks of ice. The balloons were full of ice water if they were using Freezing Balloons, and Following Balloons were made using special remote control technology that had something to do with satellites, microchips, and electricity. How you work the Following Balloon is to first connect a long wire (when you have the time to rest) to the satellites, but it will make the person who owns the satellite get their favorite show to a fizzle. Next, disconnect the wire and place it on the remote control until all electricity data is complete. Then, this is a tricky one, try to stick the microchip inside the balloon while you blow air inside the balloon. When the chip is on, try to connect the remote control to the chip and get ready for excitement.
Both of the teams, Team Black T-shirt and Team Bullies, were afraid of the war and wanted to have The Man in their groups. So they had to use cheats to win the war quickly. One of the bullies was hit with cold, freezing water and got out. There were six people left from the Black T-shirt kids and five people from the Bullies. Then they had a lunch break to eat lunch for an hour. Some crossed the line and other made The Man wet. His mother came out of a bath store with extra supplies for home and headed to Firebird Elementary School. But before she opened the gate, she saw The Man all wet. So she raced through the gate and took The Man home to go take a bath about ten times. You see that’s why it’s important to have your ears turned on. The boy from the Black T-shirt team who threw the balloon at The Man was out! They should have listened to the rules! The next round will be Round two. This was the juiciest war ever!
“Take that,” said Boxhead, who threw a balloon on one of the Black T-shirt kids.
“You’re out,” said The Man.
“Bummer,” said Boxhead. Then two balloons splashed two bullies.
“Out,” said The Man, “Oh and double bummers!”
“Wah,” cried the two bullies.
“Time out,” said The Man. Everyone, except for the two bullies who got hit in the head and cried liked big fat goo-goo gaga babies, went to eat a delicious, healthy, crunchy snack. When they finished eating, the Black T-shirt Kids had two kids still alive. The Bullies had only one person—that was Boxhead. Hooray- I mean, poor not guilty, independent, weak, useless, non-cheapskate, horrible, too many adjectives to describe this noun called bullies. But this wasn’t over yet.
The Man was now completely nervous. Now listen carefully, I won’t repeat it again. “First, I’ll won’t call myself The Man anymore,” The Man said. “I could call myself, umm... ... maybe I’ll call myself ...” sigh. “Mr. Chilly Boy. Second, I would go through a sewer to get out of this strange state. Last, I will write a note. It will say, Sorry but I’ve abandoned you for the rest of your life, Ciao.
“Hey, who is Mr. Chilly Boy?” said Boxhead, puzzled about the name change.
“Must be The Man,” said Gamer. “Who would... hey, he abandoned us!”
“Nooooo!” yelled Boxhead.
“Would you like some water?” said an unknown girl.
“Yesssss!” yelled Gamer. “It’s because I’m really thirstyyyy!”
“Let’s get that traitorrrrrr!” said all of the boys.
Questions & Answers
1.How will Mr. Chilly Boy escape?
2.When will this madness end?
3.Who was that girl?
4.Why am I asking you all these questions? I’ve never even met you before.
1. Mr. Chilly Boy will need to get some people to help him escape from the angry mob of boys.
2. The madness will continue or end soon.
3a. The unknown girl is one of Mr. Chilly Boy’s siblings.
3b. She’ll be in my next story.
4. I won’t answer the last question because I don’t want to be mean to the god or the angels anyway.
About the Author
Hello, my name is Don and I’m eleven and I live in an apartment in San Francisco with my mom. And this is my fifth published book. My other books are The Iceman, The Boy Who Brought Back Winter, Bus Stop Fight, and My Mom. What I like to do is to play my DS a lot. I’m really good at math and basketball. I want to be good at baseball someday. I want to be a math teacher when I grow up. If I were an animal, I would be a tiger because I was born in the year of the tiger. My first, middle, and last name start with the letter D so some people call me triple D. My biggest fear is hiking and bugs (don’t use the bug to scare me). I wonder if the next earthquake is coming soon.
Monday, July 6, 2009
If bears were paper
then fur would be pencils
If poison ivy were popcorn
then roses would be nachos
If crayons were water
then chalk would be acid
If Florida were kiwis
then Colorado would be daisies
And I would travel the world
and scatter its petals
all over the place
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Tobiey Gets Lost
The doorbell rang and my mom answered it. She was nine years old. It was her anutie bringing her a dog named Tobiey. My mom said, ''It's so cute.'' My mom's auntie took Tobiey for walk then came back to feed him and asked my grandma if she could keep her dog for her because she had no room for the dog in her house. Then the next day the dog escaped because one of my mom's sisters accidentally left the door open.
My Grandma on my dad's side of the family was walking home one night here in San Francisco. She stopped at an odd street that was near a hospital. She said the street felt dark and cold. Then she said, ''The evil is dark and cold,'' but she had to go home so she went down the street and said, ''What if I don't make it out, then who will take care of my babies?'' She kept walking until the street was no longer dark and cold.
My Great grandfather
Once when my great grand father was alive he had donkeys. My mom wanted to ride one of the donkeys so she got one. At first it was calm and then all of a sudden it went crazy and it made my mom fall in a puddle. The next day my great grandfather sold both of the donkeys, and after he sold them he went inside the house and laid in bed then a few minutes later my mom went inside the bedroom and tried to wake him up and he didn't open his eyes or move. Then my mom realized that he was dead.
When I was born my mom saw when they where taking me out of her stomach. I think I heard her screaming and she was also happy that she had a baby. Then a nurse took my mom to another room and asked her what my name was going to be. My mom said ''JC.'' The nurse made a mistake and wrote down Chelzea. Then years passed and my mom told me about the mistake with my name. When she told me that, I was shocked and happy to hear my real name. I was happy that I had a name I liked better than the name I have right now. I don't like the name Chelzea because it sounds kind of odd to me and I like my real name because it makes me think I was named after JC Penny and I like that store. JC also looks easy to write on tests and stuff. Chelzea means "landing place for chalk or limestone." This makes me think I'm like a chalkboard or a book people write on and I'm imagining their words in my head.
One night I heard my dad crying. I asked him what was wrong. He said, "My cousin died because someone killed him." This broke my heart. Then he told me not to kill people and he told me why my parents don't let me go to school alone. That made me so sad that inside my mind I saw three columns, one for me, one for my mom and one for my dad. Mine was empty because I felt nothing and so was my mom's. My dad's column was rising. It hurt my heart when my dad went to his mom's house for the funeral.
My mom asked me why was I crying. At first I wouldn't tell her but then I said, "I'm crying because dad said that his cousin died."
She said, "I know, he told me when he got home."
Ever since my dad's cousin died everybody in my dad's family has been sad and crying. Something happened. Every time I went to their house they would always ask me if I wanted juice or something or if I wanted to watch TV, but they didn't after ask me these things after my dad's cousin died. When we came home from my grandma's house once, I wispered to my mom and said, "Mom, why didn't they ask me if I wanted something?"
My mom said, "They did. They asked you if you wanted Chinese food and you said yes".
"I don’t remember."
About The Author
Hi, my name is Chelzea, aka JC. I am ten years old. I live in San Francisco with my mom and dad. My favorite thing to do is to sing. I am good at math. Someday I want to be good at reading because my dad says I need practice. When I grow up I want to be a rock star. If I were an animal I would be half-puppy and half-bunny because these animals are so cute and cudley. I am different from my family because I am really sensitive. My biggest fear is getting eaten by a lion. I wonder if my mom knows other secrets about me but she doesn't want to tell me.